to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
