Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
