I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Randomize
