I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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