Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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