Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
