I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
