There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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