He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
You're like the curious george of whores
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
