Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
