Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
You ate ashes out of my bong
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