apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
