Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
