what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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