Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
