you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
well you can't waste a boner
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
