He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
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