the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
