words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I need a beard to bite.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
