you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
