I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
