: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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