I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
