mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize