You really coming over, don't trick.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
