Ambien. No doubt about it.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
