okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize