There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
