i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
i've created a new STD.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
