You're so nebulous sometimes
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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