Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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