I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
