Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
