Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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