I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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