Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
