I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
