im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
