you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
