True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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