I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
