Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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