just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
