I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
