Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
