Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
