"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
