New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
