im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
