I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
