hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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