I just threw up on my dentist
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
