Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize