During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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