after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
