dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
