now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
