how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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