If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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