just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
