dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
