those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
