I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
The beer is more important than you right now.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
