So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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