I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize