I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
